Trying not to blog about messy trannies

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Beverly Hills Mansion Home [Parody]

For @damian_barr. Sung to the tune of Tennesse Mountain Home by Dolly Parton.

Beverly Hills Mansion Home

Sittin’ in my Bentley on a summer afternoon,

In a Prada dress with sunglasses as big as kettledrums.

Watch the staff a’manning the checkpoint in the garden,

To chase away the tourists when the TMZ bus comes.


In my Beverly Hills mansion home,

Life is as silky as a baby’s hair.

In my exclusive mansion home,

Did you know this ‘ole place once belonged to Cher?

Electrifyin’ wire’s on the fence along my compound.

The smell of frying paparazzi makes the wind so sweet.

And in the distant skies an injunction spreads its wings,

My lawyer is the man who makes my dotin’ heart complete.


In my Beverly Hills mansion home

Life’s as sweet-smelling as an angel’s breath

In my exclusive mansion home

Lindsay Lohan pops by with another stack of meth


Walkin’ home from Kanye’s, Sunday with last night’s male model,

Just laughin’ talkin’, hatchin’ tabloid deals.

And when the paps ain’t lookin’ I go home to my girlfriend,

And crush that little himbo under my new Bentley’s wheels.

In my Beverly Hills mansion home,

Life is as peaceful as a kitten’s mew.

In my Beverly Hills mansion home,

If photos get on Gawker, hon, you betcha Imma sue.

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13 digital publishing predictions for 2013: Nextifying the digital transitionings

Predicti-witticims c/o @digitaldanhouse


1. DR(EA)M - Publishers will drop DRM in favour of DREAM wrapping - Digitally Recognisable Ebook Anonymity Mechanisms, allowing for anonymised and freely shareable digital product diss-e-mination. No more evil corporations denying your ebooks just because you tried to use a credit card you stole to buy more! DREAM software allows pirates to turn totally John Peel on the Information Super-FREEway.

2. Super-density - work-flow consolidation will enable us to intensify productivity and improve efficiency as publishing roles are fused together creating new ‘super-dense’ working groups. These guys will definitely be needing armbands in the swimming pool!

3. ‘Yearnings’ - ‘learnings’ is a perennial favourite for the digital transitioner - how are we learning, and why? 2013 will see publishers leveraging the desire economy to ask what makes us *yearn* for more. The process is so hot it makes 9 ½ Weeks feel like 127 Hours.

4. Anti-Social Media aka DISSruption - engaging with your audience in an affable manner is so 2012. 2013 will usher in a new age of vicious corporate social media and further organicize the publisher-reader deterio-lationship. Get your communications team ready, because negative equity is the new driver of profitable contraction. Put the ‘you’ in ‘F£$k you’.

5. Torturous analogies aka The ‘Homeland’ method - we’re only in the foothills of potentiating the digital publishing metaphor. Why explain the digi-scape in clear verbiage when comparing it to ancient history and biological activity allows the appropriate amount of obfuscation when, in truth, no-one knows jack, Jack. So dust off your Tacitus, 2013 will certainly be the year to mix your metaphorication.

6. Epub10 - in a shock development in ebook technology the IDPF will actually skip 7 iterations of epub, rush-releasing epub10 - new features include in-book time travel, mapping your own genome and responsively designed interactive counselling. Sadly, none of the devices on the market will support it :(

7. Metadating - metadata is the new marketing in the new cyber showrooms, but what role can it play in the meat-marketplace? New, more sophisticated metadata will match ebook users up for dinner-for-two (or even three!) according to their most private reading habits, and facilitate a new wave of ebook groupings.

8. Self(ish) Publishing - 2012 was the year Self-Publishing ripped into the mainstream book econosphere. But when scarcity is the new abundance, writers will actually begin publishing just for themselves. This new form of my-desktop publishing is sure to go down a storm with more private authors as they publish for their eyes only!

9. ebok -  the new short-form e-publishing format craze for 2013.

10. Horizontals - we’ve all mastered the art of vertical publishing, now it’s time to turn that position 90 degrees and get flat-lining content across multiple platforms. Trains don’t wait to leave a station so publishers will need to hone getting in and out of a platform in good time while picking up a few more customers. This Rolling Stocklist leaves in the New Year.

11. AQRG - yes, perhaps the most exciting development of the year will be the exploitation of new Augmented Reality Scenarios as Augmented Reality and Quick Response Codes are fused into a new super-standard of frictionated 3Dism. (Oh actually, that’s already happened…still, ones to watch in 2013!)

12. Superscription - 2012 was the year subscription almost happened for ebooks, but don’t worry because there’s something truly SUPER happening in 2013 with new improved superscription models. Why yoke yourself to the publishing plough?! Superscribers will be operating above licensed networks to access the value chain at supra-brand level, with regular catch-up meetings with Lord David Cameron and Sir Richard Branson.

13. Digital outmigration - Digital natives will soon tire of the Digital migration of baby boomers and Gen X-ers encroaching on their user bases and will soon form hostile groups with extreme leanings, and will propose a digital youtopia in which to consume their ebook bytes in a ‘purer’ way, where they can post cat pictures and argue about Disney buying Lucasfilm away from privations of the techno-itinerant. They will solely read DREAM-enabled Ur-e-texts by Cory Doctorow and Charles Stross. The future is D.O.O.M.E.D. (Digital Optimisation Of Methods Encouraging Digitization)

For more future-proofing follow @randomdigital - all that digitally matters about digital matters from the team at Random House Group UK Limited.

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Tumblr: evading the marketing troll (HT @tomewing)


I read a social media study yesterday from a research agency which had my eyebrows rising a bit. It was a global study talking about people’s awareness and usage of various platforms, and it seemed very compehensive. It talked about Facebook and Twitter, it examined the Pinterest phenomenon, it had a good secton on V-Kontakte, and it delved down as far as almost-forgotten networks like Ning and Bebo. So that made one of its omissions even more glaring.

No Tumblr. Not a mention. Not in the graphs, the analysis, nowhere.

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Heard it through the Snapesvine: But do you like it for the RIGHT reasons?

Some lovely pensees from @laurasnapes on the tyranny of ‘good taste’.


Inconsequential breakfast thoughts with no clear conclusion:

I wonder how recent a phenomenon it is, that “people” hold other “people“‘s enjoyment of “things” (music) in suspicion, contempt, or accusation, questioning whether their pleasure in a piece of art is “credible,” “morally sound,” “for…

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Late to the party as always. Isn’t Little Boots starting to sound like Sarah Cracknell?